you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
