remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Porn is love you can see.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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