I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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