I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
