so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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