Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
