Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
