K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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