im drinking this country out of the recession.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
