I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
