he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize