I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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