I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
