My hand turned me down
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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