he shaved USA in his pubs
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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