Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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