I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
