I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
