she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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