Where is the hickey?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
