1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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