She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
