I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize