remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
