Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
