My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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