Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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