I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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