I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
