When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
