She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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