Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
