Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
