i don't like sucking hair
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
