how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
