gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
