Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
