you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Damn victory sex feels great
how drunk are you?
Several
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
