You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
