she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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