How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
