It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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