fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
