Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
