I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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