He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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