Sry I called you an 8
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
