i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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