I looked at my own cervix.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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