btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Welp...herpes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
