I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
