She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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