well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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