I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
