Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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