I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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