i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
