if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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