maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize