god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
