so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
