i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
