I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
