just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
