I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
