This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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