New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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