you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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