i barfeds in our rink
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
