They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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