Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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