We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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