You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
